I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
