So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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