I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
His nipple licking is glorious
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