pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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