clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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