so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
