is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't deserve a penis
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
