What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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