I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize