if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
