I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
