You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
