Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
