Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
