Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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