I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
