New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
