Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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