It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
