so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
