I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
