one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
