Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
