I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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