Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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