TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
