I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
