that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
