Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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