you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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