Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm too high and old for this...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
