i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
