And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize