so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
