Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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