a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
do herpes really smell.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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