I wish my penis had an off switch
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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