You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
