Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
