also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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