I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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