Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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