I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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