Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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