do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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