you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
