Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
