it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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