you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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