Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
