I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
