My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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