either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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