I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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