Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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