It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
