You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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