you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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