You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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