He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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