I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
