She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't deserve a penis
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
