i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I fill condoms, not promises.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
