She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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